Addicted
by Mickis
Summary: one shot I lost myself in the midst of addiction, and it wasn't until hurting one of my brothers that I realized how far things had really gone...


**Disclaimer:** Don't own the ninja turtles, and never claimed to.

**A/N:** _Very short. Just an idea that came to me this morning. Had to write it down. Hope ya like it. Don't forget to review. Enjoy! (Wow, **that** was short, too)._

* * *

**ADDICTED**

by

Mickis

**Genre: **General

**Language: **English

**Censor: **PG13

**Summary:** "_I lost myself in the midst of addiction, and it wasn't until hurting one of my brothers that I realized how far things had really gone..." (one shot)_

* * *

_I know things have gone overboard... and I know how much it hurts my family to see me like this. But I don't have the control to stop, and quite frankly - I don't want to. Things that usually have me going doesn't seem to matter anymore. I don't eat, don't sleep and my inventions are lying around in my abandoned room; collecting dust. Even my practise has become neglected. I rarely speak to my brothers, for I have found someplace else to turn for me desires. I don't need any of those things any more._

_I guess I have become addicted, I just didn't want to realize it. I mean... **me** of all people! I'm supposed to be the smart one, right? _

_I don't think Mikey wants to realize it either. He shuts his eyes to the truth and only shrugs it off as any of the other mentions my problem._

_Raph sends me these looks, and I know he doesn't approve of what I do. Not that his opinion matters to me. He can look all he wants. I'm not planning on quitting. Why would I? It leaves me at peace._

_Leo gives me these long lectures about how I'm ruining myself and the effects it has on my family. He states he's doing this out of love and concern, though I have a hard time believing that. Sometimes though, he seems genuinely upset. But I quickly push the thought away. His love and concern can't give me what my addiction can. He can lecture all he wants, it won't change a thing._

_Splinter, though, he's the worst. He has gotten tired of restricting me, and he's pleading with me to stop the foolishness. His tired eyes sometimes make me reconsider, and I've even tried quitting a few times. But then I always fall back into old patterns again, and here I am._

_I know April feels worst of all.. because she introduced us to it. I know she only did it to light up our boring environment, and she never expected any of us to get addicted - least of all **me**. But I don't hold her responsible. It's been my decision and not hers. I'm the one doing this to myself, I'm the one letting my family down and ignoring their feelings. Besides, even if she hadn't brought it into our lives, we would've found some other way to get it._

_Today, I can't imagine my life without it. There isn't anything in the world that makes me happier, and that makes me a sad. Could I only stop..._

* * *

"Donnie, ye idiot!" Raphael exclaims as he enters the room, spotting me on the couch, too gone to even turn my head.

"Can it, Raph," I say, my red eyes staring ahead. "I don't wanna hear it."

"What the hells happened ta ya, huh? Can't ya see what yer doin' ta yerself... least of all Mikey."

This get me to turn my head. "Mikey's fine," I tell him, my voice deep.

"Oh yeah?" Raph questions, crossing his arms and looking down at me from the back of the couch. "He misses ya, Don. The two of ya used ta do all kindsa stupid things togetha'... but since this.." he trails off, pointing to the problem at hand.

"Just leave me alone," I say, turning back to what I had been doing before he walked in.

Raphael reaches over from behind the couch and grabs the cause of my problem right out of my hands, smashing it against the floor.

"Raph!" I rise in fury and look at him with dark eyes threatening to explode in his face.

"Ya wanna hit me?" he challenges, not breaking his gaze. "Go ahead, junkie. Ye know I'll kick yer sorry ass."

I think about it for a moment, imagining the feeling of connecting my fist to his cocky face. But then I decide against it and turn to look at the shatters on the floor. I walk around the couch, and just as I'm about to bend down I feel Raphael grab me by my upper left arm.

"Think ya can run away?"

"Let go of my arm, Raph," I say, the tone of my voice threatening him. Staring at the shatters on the floor only fills me with rage to what he's done - the lack of respect he has for me.

"Make me."

I can't control myself any longer and jump at him. The two of us are fighting more than him and Leo ever have. I feels so good to punch him in that smug face of his, and perhaps that should tell me something about how far things have really gone.

But it doesn't.

All that matters is revenge. Revenge for smashing the most important thing in my life against the floor. In any other situation Raph really would 've kicked my ass, but the fury inside of me makes me an equal opponent.

"The hell?" Mikey exclaims, entering the living room. He stops to stare at the two of us, beating each other senseless on the floor. "Get offa' him, Raph!"

His cry causes Leo to leave the dojo to see what's going on. Once he finds the two of us he decides he's had enough of me and my addiction. It's clearly tearing the family apart.

I have Raph wrestled to the floor, sitting on top of him, when Leo grabs the most important thing in the world, and I freeze, fist in air.

"Leo, _no_!" I cry, rising to my feet and approaching him to stop him. Unfortunately it's too late. He smashes it hard against the floor, shattering it into pieces, and I can literally feel my breath choke in my throat.

"This has gone too far, Donnie," he says, looking at me with determination and disappointment. "You've actually attacked your own _brother_ because of this!" He points to the shatters on the floor.

I only glare at him, unable to believe what he's done.

Leonardo sighs and rubs his face, before turning back to me with sorrow in his eyes. "Just look at yourself and tell me what you see."

I turn my eyes away from him and let them travel across the floor; staring at the shatters and ultimately reaching Raph sitting on the floor, a black eye surfacing on his silent features.

For the first time in a very long time I actually feel ashamed of myself. I break away from my brothers' intense eyes and escape into my room.

* * *

For minutes I just sit there on my bed, my eyes staring at my hands as if not believing I had actually hit my brother with them. What has become of me? How could I let this happen? 

The sub-car door slides open and Michelangelo peeks inside.

"You okay, bro?" he asks, no traces of his usual smile.

"I'm so sorry, Mikey," I say, looking at him through tear filled eyes.

"Don't be," he tells me, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. "I'm sure there's _something_ Raph's done to deserve the black eye ya gave 'im."

I snicker weakly through my tears, unable to stop myself. Mikey smiles in response. He then approaches me and sits down next to me on the bed.

"Ya know, " he says, after a moment of silence has passed. "It could've been anyone of us."

"But it wasn't," I remind him, staring at the floor. "It was me."

"Yeah well, even the smartest turtle has his bad days," he puts an arm around me, making up another expression of his, adding it to the collection of others that makes no sense.

"Does Splinter know?" I ask and look up at him, worried about what my father thinks of me.

"No," he answers. "But it's only a matter of time before Leo tells 'im."

Again, I smile, like I always do in the presence of my goofy brother. I've missed this.

"C'mon," he says, patting me on my shell. "Let's clean out the evidence."

We rise to our feet, me drying the traces of tears on me cheeks, and walk to the door. Out in the living room Leonardo's busy with cleaning up the mess. He looks up as we enter.

"Need a hand?" Mike offers, smiling at Leo.

"That's okay, Mikey," I tell him, placing a hand on his left shoulder, causing him to turn to look at me. "I'll do it by myself. Go check on Raph." He nods, leaving me and Leo alone.

I grab a sweeper and help my brother clean up. I should do this by myself but it's an opportunity for me to talk to him and clear the air.

"I'm sorry," I apologize, focusing on sweeping.

"That's good to know," Leo says, stopping to look at me. "And I guess it really could've been any of us."

I meet his eyes and smile gratefully, relieved he doesn't hate me. "You really think you could get addicted to cable?"

"Sure," he replies, sweeping up the bits and pieces of the smashed digital box. "Although maybe not 'Discovery Channel'... " he adds with a smile.

"'_Science_ channel.' " I correct him, sweeping up what's left of the remote control Raph broke, realizing I have to look for another one at the junkyard.

Leonardo only smiles and shakes his head, sweeping up the last of the pieces of my addiction.

"Y'know," I add, after a moment of silence. "Someone has to tell April you broke the present she bought us."

Leonardo chuckles. "Somehow I don't think she'll be that upset."


End file.
